The Mallet of Understanding

Wielding the tools of cluelessness correction with a compassionate and well manicured hand.

Friday, January 21, 2005

How the inauguration speech could have been improved.

In all the years I've been walking (working?) this vale of tears, I'm never had the chance to actually sit down and *listen* to an inaugural speech. Clue delivery is an arduous task, mon chers and must needs continue regardless of political victory-dancing.

But moi did read it, darlings and was simply overcome with the outrageous and atrocious "soaring rhetoric". *rolls eyes*

One should not criticize without offering an alternative, so here's moi's suggested clue-full and appropriate inaugural speech:

"My Fellow Americans, I'm proud to take the oath of office one final time. Let's face it, it doesn't matter what I say up here because I'm a politician and I won't deliver on anything I say. It's too damn cold to stand around and listen to platitudes and high-minded rhetoric, so let's say we wind up this oration and go have us a party, then get back to the task of total world domination, all right? First round's on my defeated opponent. Just kidding, John."

(Laura Bush, a quick one for you, darling. There is *no* such thing as "Winter White". You're too old to pass for a virgin bride, and "angel of mercy" is so loaded these days. You should have worn Royal Purple, instead.)