The Mallet of Understanding

Wielding the tools of cluelessness correction with a compassionate and well manicured hand.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Moi is so embarrassed, she didn't post this properly before!

Moi is so embarrassed, this post was written ages ago, but due to some strange reason, it wasn't posted here at the time. Enjoy this (recent) blast from the past.

*ahem*.

Moi of course would Not, Never, Nuh-uh, forget the Cluemaster General behind the courageous Babs Boxer. I was saving the fanfare for today. Why today, my gentle readers ask? Why, it's Monday. Does moi *need* another reason? Certainly not.

The Person Of Whom I Gush, of course, is that dear, *dear* man, John Conyers. Let me kiss you, darling, you are *such* a delicious treat!

This man, nay, saint has spent countless hours ferreting out the rabbits of electoral fraud, his hound-keen nose following the fox of voter disenfranchisement, followed the blood trail of Triad-GSI technicians through the waters of Ohio polling places like the focused shark of...

Er.

I do apologize, darlings. But there just *isn't* any superlative strong enough for what Our Dear John has done.

I feel a vision of the future coming on...

I see a history book opening, and on it's pages I read "In the early part of 2005, Representative John A. Conyers began what has come to be known as the "Great Electoral Reform" by doggedly investigating reports of widespread vote fraud and corruption of the Republican party..."

*shiver of delicious pleasure*

Further reading provides further insight: "...as a result, votes across America are standardized, and no vote goes uncounted. With renewed faith in the electoral process, American election turnouts have been as high as 98% in some precincts, and it usually takes less than 3 minutes from arrival to completion. New methods of voting have virtually eliminated illegible ballots, and a tell-me-three-times redundant paper trail ensures impartiality."

*Le sigh of hopeful pleasure*

Now, how does one adequately honor such a man? Even moi knows that Ceremonial Mallets of Understanding or gilded clue-by-fours just aren't sufficient.

So here it goes:

John, Dearest, would you marry me?

Back off, gentle readers, I asked him first. But you can email him and give him double-plus kudos for his work, and loving support for the work he will be doing in the future for American elections.