The Mallet of Understanding

Wielding the tools of cluelessness correction with a compassionate and well manicured hand.

Friday, March 11, 2005

You go, Obama!

Gentle and well-clued readers, as you know *moi* occasionally will pay homage to those fine and noble folks among the otherwise self-centered-like-a-gyroscope in the US Congress. Today it is my pleasure to award Senator Barack Obama (D-Ill) for speaking truth to power.

It seems that Georgie-porgy stuck his foot (all right, both feet) into his mouth regarding the average African-American life expectancy and the de-construction of Social Security:

Bush is courting African Americans with the pitch that the Social Security system is unfair to black men because of their shorter life expectancy.

Obama said the notion that Bush would tailor his Social Security appeal to blacks by talking about their shorter lifespans -- without linking it to the causes of the death rate -- was "stunning'' and "puzzling.''

Obama said he would prefer the president not frame his Social Security argument "in racial terms.'' Obama's strong words may have special significance since he is the only African-American senator.


Oh, you *go*, Obama! This melanin-deficient Euro-menehune applauds you for bringing truth to the Land of That White-Man's Lies!

Stephen Moore, president of the Free Enterprise Fund, which is backing Bush's bid for investment accounts, defended the approach. "I think the Republicans should go into the black communities and let people know what a lousy deal they get from Social Security."

Obama, Moore said, did not take issue with the "fundamental truth'' that there is a racial death rate disparity.

"This is not about why the life expectancy is lower," Moore said. "It is about the fact of life that blacks do die at younger ages and they get a relatively worse deal out of Social Security than whites."

Said Obama, "This is as if the president is arguing for privatization of fire protection because our houses aren't worth as much as houses in rich neighborhoods. Or maybe we could privatize police protection because if we get robbed, our stuff is not as nice. It defies logic.''


Do accept my gift of the Golden Mallet of Understanding, Mr. Obama, along with my wishes for a long and successful political career.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

And this is where I get all Feminist on Gannon.

The shill currently posing as "Jeff Gannon" has something particularly, odiously ripe on his blog today.

Tom Bevan has an great piece at Real Clear Politics, PLAYING HARDBALL WITH MAUREEN DOWD, in which he makes some good points about this gal who probably needs a bit of the old Jeff Gannon to relieve some of that pent up whatever. 


*rolls up sleeves*
*curls hands into fists*
*dangerously narrows her eyes to two malevolent slits in a sea of scorn*

Mr. "Gannon", them's fighting words.

Listen, you two-bit $200 per hour/$1200 per weekend whoo-er, you can take your 8", and surgically remove it under sterile conditions without anesthesia and shove it up your neatly shaven a**--

*ahem*.

*Moi* would like to publicly apologize for her loss of decorum.

It occurs to *Moi* that Ms. Dowd is much better off than you are, sirrah. She's got ovaries the size of grapefruit, made of solid brass, and has the experience and dedication to REAL journalism that you so obviously lack.

Considering her credentials, I'd say she would probably take one look at your "bit", and laugh hysterically. She might even point and exclaim "Oh, my! That looks like my dildo, only smaller!"

You see, Mr. "Gannon", she's better equipped than you are. And remember this: Cucumbers are better than men. At least they don't go soft after the tenth use in one night.

Oh, that's right, you can't compete with her professionally, so you have to resort to stereotypes and intimate that what she needs is a good f*cking. That, sir, is called R-A-P-E. Yes, I said rape. You see, it's a fundamentalist religious† terrorist tactic. If a woman doesn't behave the way you want her to, or if she's justifiably angry at discrimination, or if she shows you up professionally, you say she "needs" to be screwed. Never mind that she has no interest in you. Men use sexual frustration as justification for rape all the time. And it doesn't even have to be their *own* frustration. All they have to do is claim *she* was sexually frustrated. "Judge, she needed a good f*cking, I tell you! I did her a favor, she *needed* it!"

This is also a classic attempt at "proving" his masculinity. I can see him hoisting his jeans as he snorts, then says "She just needs a bit of the old (grabs crotch here) Jeff Gannon...", then smirks as he looks sidelong at his buds before spitting on the sidewalk. "Nobody here but us good ol' straight white boys, right fellas?"

It would be believable if you weren't caught with your pants down, your flagpole up, and your profile artfully placed on the pillow, pal. So listen up, *poke* you *poke* pusillanimous *poke* poseur, *poke* you *poke* can put away your pathetic *poke* piss-ant *poke* pecker.

Trying to pass as straight by intimating rape is like trying to pass for Republican by waving a swastika. It makes more enemies than you can afford.

*WHAM!*

Oh, GAWD mon Dieu, that felt good.

† Kindly note, Gentle Readers, that I didn't say Christian here. Jesus taught love and compassion. I doubt he would have advocated for forced fornication on those women who spoke truth to power.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

It wasn't me, I swear!

It seems Sam Francis has died. One less stop for me to make.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Schadenfreude moment!

Ah, yes, sometimes *Moi* takes a moment to indulge in delicious schadenfreude. I was particularly pleased with this video of Le Chienne Afghane Rabique's discomfiture at being challenged by M. Le Colmes for calling him a liar.

Oh, the nervous laughter, oh, the defensive posture, oh the hysterical hand-waving!

*Moi* must elevate those blesséd souls at Crooks And Liars for providing me with 3 minutes of pure delight!

Another Clue Delivery for Le Chienne Afghane Rabique!

Darlings, It has come to *moi's* attention through various channels, (not the least of which is The Witch) that Le Chienne Afghane Rabique may have been censored, or did censor herself with the "Old Dyspeptic" comment. While the details swarm and conjecture flies, *Moi* would like to interject something; *Moi* would like to remind her gentle readers that using the ethnic roots of an American as a means of denigrating is simply tacky and mean-spirited. Further, that delightfully curmudgeonly Ms. Thomas is NOT an "old Arab*", she is an American. Her parents were from Lebanon, not Saudi Arabia, and while the population of Lebanon is predominately of "Arabic" ethnicity, they are not "Arabs".

Calling someone an "old Arab" is, however, anti-semitic in the broader sense of the term "Semitic". For you see, Arabs are Semites--that is, as a race they speak a Semitic language, related to Hebrew.

Now, it's entirely possible that Helen's parents were not Arabic, but Lebonese-Armenian, and as such don't fall under the term "Semitic" at all. Armenian falls under the Slavic languages of the Indo-European grouping. It would still be wrong to call Ms. Thomas "That old Slav", because she was born in America, and has been an American citizen her entire 84 years.


*Hold your noses, darlings, and read it. See for yourself the twisted logic, the outrageous claims, and cancerous hatred this chienne spits up on the livingroom carpet of the world-wide web. Be sure to wash your hands afterwards.