The Mallet of Understanding

Wielding the tools of cluelessness correction with a compassionate and well manicured hand.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

And this is where I get all Feminist on Gannon.

The shill currently posing as "Jeff Gannon" has something particularly, odiously ripe on his blog today.

Tom Bevan has an great piece at Real Clear Politics, PLAYING HARDBALL WITH MAUREEN DOWD, in which he makes some good points about this gal who probably needs a bit of the old Jeff Gannon to relieve some of that pent up whatever. 


*rolls up sleeves*
*curls hands into fists*
*dangerously narrows her eyes to two malevolent slits in a sea of scorn*

Mr. "Gannon", them's fighting words.

Listen, you two-bit $200 per hour/$1200 per weekend whoo-er, you can take your 8", and surgically remove it under sterile conditions without anesthesia and shove it up your neatly shaven a**--

*ahem*.

*Moi* would like to publicly apologize for her loss of decorum.

It occurs to *Moi* that Ms. Dowd is much better off than you are, sirrah. She's got ovaries the size of grapefruit, made of solid brass, and has the experience and dedication to REAL journalism that you so obviously lack.

Considering her credentials, I'd say she would probably take one look at your "bit", and laugh hysterically. She might even point and exclaim "Oh, my! That looks like my dildo, only smaller!"

You see, Mr. "Gannon", she's better equipped than you are. And remember this: Cucumbers are better than men. At least they don't go soft after the tenth use in one night.

Oh, that's right, you can't compete with her professionally, so you have to resort to stereotypes and intimate that what she needs is a good f*cking. That, sir, is called R-A-P-E. Yes, I said rape. You see, it's a fundamentalist religious† terrorist tactic. If a woman doesn't behave the way you want her to, or if she's justifiably angry at discrimination, or if she shows you up professionally, you say she "needs" to be screwed. Never mind that she has no interest in you. Men use sexual frustration as justification for rape all the time. And it doesn't even have to be their *own* frustration. All they have to do is claim *she* was sexually frustrated. "Judge, she needed a good f*cking, I tell you! I did her a favor, she *needed* it!"

This is also a classic attempt at "proving" his masculinity. I can see him hoisting his jeans as he snorts, then says "She just needs a bit of the old (grabs crotch here) Jeff Gannon...", then smirks as he looks sidelong at his buds before spitting on the sidewalk. "Nobody here but us good ol' straight white boys, right fellas?"

It would be believable if you weren't caught with your pants down, your flagpole up, and your profile artfully placed on the pillow, pal. So listen up, *poke* you *poke* pusillanimous *poke* poseur, *poke* you *poke* can put away your pathetic *poke* piss-ant *poke* pecker.

Trying to pass as straight by intimating rape is like trying to pass for Republican by waving a swastika. It makes more enemies than you can afford.

*WHAM!*

Oh, GAWD mon Dieu, that felt good.

† Kindly note, Gentle Readers, that I didn't say Christian here. Jesus taught love and compassion. I doubt he would have advocated for forced fornication on those women who spoke truth to power.